Decapitate Kylie...End All War.

Motorhead On Ice

So beheading is back in the news after a few centuries' absence. How practical. How efficient. How very Ikea. It must be re-assuring for some people to know that the old ways really were the best. You simply don't need nuclear submarine fleets and stealth technology when you own a big fucking knife. It's not often that we're inspired by medieval murder techniques at Shark Infested Waters, but anyone who cannot understand the undiluted impact of public decapitation needs to be hot-wired into the real world. There is no remote control anymore. You don't like it? Tough. Switch channels? Tough. You going to be all grown up now and negotiate around a table in the desert? Tough. We've got a foreign aid worker in an orange jumpsuit and you're all going to watch. We'll make it real easy for y'all and even send the fucking TV schedule. Got it? Good.

Both the East and West are obsessed with propaganda. The West has Rupert Murdoch, ISIL has the al-Hayat Media Center and both sides would probably agree that the battle for hearts & minds is not panning out entirely as expected. The West can send bombs and drones and achieve nothing at all. Al-Hayat can send just one video over the internet and cause instant mayhem. The West has yet to understand that in this day and age there is nothing particularly shocking or awesome about watching a conventional war on TV. We've seen it all before. It wasn't very good. Especially the ending.

Machine Gun Etiquette ... Shoot The Band

Jeremy Cunningham/the Levellers

You can usually judge a band by the company they keep. You want to hang out with starlets and sycophants? Congratulations...you're Kurt Cobain and you'll soon be dead. You want to hang out with accountants and business advisors? Congratulations...you're Gary Barlow and you'll soon make the front page of the Daily Mail for all the wrong reasons. You want to hang out with either god or satan? Congratulations...we've already forgotten you even existed. Walking the tightrope of celebrity is no mean feat and, let's face it, everybody's going to laugh when you screw it up.

It's more reliable to gauge a band's potential longevity by the strength of the supporting pyramid which keeps the thing afloat.

A Prawn Star Is Born...

Kitty Prawn

Photographing food is a painstaking and mind-bending exercise. You can only stare at a dead fish for so long before your vision and concentration begin to waver. Dead fish might not be able to talk but they can sure vibe you out in a fairly sinister way.

Grand Theft Photo...save the giraffes!

Watermarks are the scars of Satan. At best a watermark will flag you to the world as a pompous and vain-glorious amateur. At worst you will ruin a perfectly average photograph. Let's face it - no one's going to steal your picture of a lop-sided and over-saturated sunset or a dribbling toddler in a  paddling pool. A watermark does not make your photograph any better. A watermark does not make you any more important. A watermark simply sits there smugly waiting for a round of applause. Hear that? Tumbleweed. You suck.